Home from College for Thanksgiving

It’s yet another rite of passage for college freshmen.

For some, it is the first time they will be home since they left for college in August. For others, it is the first time they will see their core group of high school friends. For all, it’s an opportunity to touch base with “the mother ship” before final exams, feasting on nostalgic comfort food during football halftime. And a time for “taking stock” of their freshman experience so far. What to expect? Change.

Your returning teen is not the high school student you moved into the dorm in August. She has gone through an enormous level of change! Your freshman has taken many steps toward independent adulthood, ranging from waking on her own (without your nagging) to returning at night when she chooses (without asking permision, a curfew, or “reporting in” to anyone).

To prepare for her return, read: Don’t Tell Me What To Do, Just Send Money: The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years by H.E. Johnson, You’re On Your Own (But I’m Here If You Need Me): Mentoring Your Child During the College Years by M. Savage, and the classic, Letting Go (5E): A Parent’s Guide to Understanding the College Years by K.L. Coburn. If you don’t have time to read a whole book, buy those airline tickets and skim  “Thanksgiving Break Survival Tips” at About.com.

How will you deal with these changes? You know you can’t freeze him in time; you must respect his new autonomy. But you also have a right to boundaries at home. A curfew, or at least agreement on when he will come home, is appropriate for holiday visits. Returning to the dorm at 4 AM may be ok, but not at home where a night owl’s schedule clashes with parents and siblings. Campus security may ignore rowdy students wandering in the wee hours, but suburban police will not. This is a great time to distinguish between college and home “house rules.”

Your freshman may be surprised that he is not the only one who has gone through changes. Parents and siblings change too. Family dynamics are altered when a key player has been removed from the scene. For an in-depth look, check out my post: “When a big brother or sister goes to college.” The freshman’s return may conflict with new patterns that are just being established. It may take  time for everyone to readjust.

As a parent, you may desire more “rebonding” than fits your freshman’s comfort level, disappointed when he wants to go out with friends rather than sit at the dinner table and recount his college experience with you. Or,  if  an “empty nester,” you may be surprised at how quickly you’ve become used to your own independence from parenthood. You’re not geared to “waiting up” at night anymore, not twiddling your thumbs watching Weather Channel until you hear his car in the driveway. You no longer have patience for picking up half-empty soda cans everywhere in the family room, as endearing as they are.

Thanksgiving is classically known as a time of truth for freshmen reconnecting with high school friends. For many, this first semester is characterized by “friendsickness,” (see my recent post), a grieving period for friends from home. Finally having a face-to-face meeting with old friends offers reassurance that some pals are “keepers”, or the realization that it is time to “move on” from other friendships.

Dating relationships often come to a pivotal inflection point now. Freshmen with long distance relationships with high school sweethearts may decide to continue exclusively, date only when both are home, break up altogether, or morph into a friendship. Recently a parent introduced me to “the turkey drop,” a kids’ coinage for a Thanksgiving break up. Parents need to remember that there is no “right” outcome: each relationship will run its natural course.

Be prepared for anything when your teen comes home, from physical changes such as the “Freshman 15″ to evidence of emotional crises (anxiety, depression, eating disorders, substance abuse). A good primer on recognizing adolescents’ psychological issues is College of the Overwhelmed: The Campus Mental Health Crisis and What To Do About It by R. Kadison. If you were too scared to buy it before college, read Binge: What Your College Student Won’t Tell You by B. Seaman, for a reality check about alcohol excess and other toxic elements of college life. Knowing is better than not knowing!

Be ready for bombshells, such as: “I’m going to transfer.” This is common, if a student does not yet feel connected with new friends, is disappointed by the college experience, or senses mismatch between his goals and the school’s programs. I recommend a wait-and-see attitude, underscoring the need for a strong GPA to maximize flexibility. Often the student feels better  by spring and the transfer idea dissipates (but the kid earned a good GPA “just in case”: yippee!). If the transfer need is real, it will persist, in which he’s still glad he earned that strong GPA.

One thing that does not change is your family pet’s eagerness to welcome your freshman home. When our son returns, our shelties are thrilled, especially the older one who grew up with him. Like the patriarchal golden retriever Shadow in Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey, our old Blaze becomes a puppy again when reunited with “his boy.” I know my son will come home one day to a change in this situation: one more change to process. This Thanksgiving, we’re thankful it’s not yet.

Finally, encourage your teen to catch up on sleep and healthy eating during Thanksgiving break, and get a flu shot if possible. Final exams is a period of sleep deprivation, junk food, high stress, and low immunity. You can at least give him a shot of Mom and apple (or pumpkin) pie to hit the ground running!

Halloween, All Saint’s Day, All Soul’s Day…and Early Decision!

It’s always been a spooky time of year.

October 31, All Hallows Eve, when the forces of darkness prevail…November 1, All Saints Day, celebrating the lives and spirits of great spiritual human beings…November 2, All Souls Day, celebrating the lives and spirits of all those departed….(and my own spooky Scorpio birthday, November 3rd!)

Oh, yeah, November 1, deadline for many colleges’ Early Decision, Early Action, and Priority Applications. And a good “psychological” deadline for any number of rolling applications.

That’s a lot of pressure! A bad moon on the rise—or is that a bathroom on the right? Hunker down, and get those applications out! Keep those grades up! Endure one more SAT re-take! But try to keep it in perspective. Remember, the darkest moment is before the dawn, and this is soon all about to end.

Once you press “submit” you will feel an enormous amount of satisfaction and relief. You’ve made one more step toward ending this suspended animation. Your early applications could yield acceptances–or at least notification– before Christmas. If you’re successful (e.g., it’s not trick but treat!), you may soon be able to enjoy an enriching, satisfying, relaxed senior year!

On a serious note, whether your kids are in high school or college, caution them to be careful especially if driving is involved in their Halloween activities. This holiday yields one of the highest numbers of drunk driving fatalities. Be safe!

College reading list for 11th Grade parents

While your high school junior prepares for the PSAT’s and works on keeping grades up in challenging courses, what should you be doing to prepare for the college process?

READ.

Keep discussions about college to a minimum for now; as a senior, your teen will get sick of the subject soon enough. Just do your homework, to support your teen and be able to answer his questions.

MY READING LIST (in no particular order):

The College Solution: A Guide for Everyone Looking for the Right School at the Right Price by Lynn O’Shaughnessy. The Bible.

Admissions Matters: What Students and Parents Need to Know About Getting Into College by Sally S. Springer, Jon Reider & Marion R. Franck. The college landscape has changed a lot since your day. Learn to navigate it.

The Hidden Ivies, 2nd Edition: 50 Top Colleges-from Amherst to Williams-That Rival the Ivy League by Howard Greene (Greenes’ Guides). The classic guidebook has finally been expanded and updated!

Colleges That Change Lives: 40 Schools That Will Change the Way You Think About Colleges by Loren Pope. Specific schools are less important than the approach.

The Gatekeepers: Inside the Admissions Process of a Premier College by Jacques Steinberg. Helps you see admissions people as a “flesh and blood” audience revewing your child’s application and essays.

Pay for College without Sacrificing Your Retirement: A Guide to Your Financial Future by Tim Higgins. Sticker shock! Financial aid considerations need to be an integral part of the college application strategy, not an add-on next year!

College Match: A Blueprint for Finding the Best School for You by Steven R. Antonoff. A great starting point to help juniors figure out what they may want in a college. Not “how to get in!” Rather,  an emotionally healthy approach to help teens know what they’re looking for.

Ultimate Guide to Summer Opportunities for Teens by Sandra Berger. Your teen will have one more summer to explore academic or extra-curricular interests before applying to college. Be on the lookout for great opportunities.

The Insider’s Guide to the Colleges 2010: Students on Campus Tell You What You Really Want to Know, 36th Edition by Yale Daily News Staff. Student opinion with a balanced perspective.

Fiske Guide to Colleges 2010 26E by Edward Fiske. The must-have reference for every college-bound family’s bookshelf.

Also check out my post, Kris Hintz’s Top Ten College Websites. These web addresses should definitely be bookmarked—you’ll be using them a lot in the next two years!

Columbus Day college visits

Columbus Day weekend is a great time for high school seniors to fit in a college visit, if there is any energy left after taking the SAT’s for the third time! To help prepare you, check out my posts on Tips for College Trips, Colleges South of the Northeast Corridor, Colleges of the Midwest, and Go West, Young Freshman!

Your senior may have a different take on campus visits now, because his preferences have evolved. Go with the flow: be ready to respond to college list changes he may make. The list may shrink, or schools may be added. Your senior may not want to visit at all on fall break, due to college trip burnout, heavy course load, or feeling behind in applications. Every situation differs, but encourage your teen to visit every school to which he applies. Colleges expect applicants to visit, it’s impossible to write the “Why University of X?” essay without visiting, and—how can he decide if it’s a good match without setting foot on campus?

Should  juniors visit a college on fall break? They are not officially introduced to the college process in school until January. However, to help your junior formulate ideas of what she may want in a college, do a drive-through (perhaps a New England college on a family foliage outing). It helps kids to have “fodder” for their imagination, to envision what college might be like.

UK for college, save time and money!

I just returned from the National Association for College Admission Counseling (NACAC) annual conference in Baltimore’s Inner Harbor. I visited George Washington University, attended thought-provoking presentations such as “Is Junior Year the New Senior Year?” and met Admissions officers from around the globe at the College Fair for Counselors.

The big surprise was the number of colleges from abroad represented at the college fair. England, Scotland, Ireland, New Zealand, Canada. They weren’t there to advertise study abroad semester programs. They were presenting their schools as alternatives to American students for full undergraduate degrees.

I happily collected literature, asking naive, enthusiastic questions about a world of which I know little. They answered cheerily and comprehensively, in all their delightful accents. By afternoon’s end, I was ready to cross Hadrian’s Wall and head for the University of St. Andrews myself, even though it’s too late to meet Prince  Charming. (Applications increased by 50% when Prince William of Wales matriculated to St. Andrews, but he graduated in 2005.)

It is the rare American student who is emotionally prepared to pack up and fly “across the pond” for an entire undergraduate education. Maybe a kid who has gone to boarding school or summer programs abroad. A kid that has enough academic autonomy to pursue coursework without handholding, who already has a focused idea of what she wants to study, and who is savvy about making her own living arrangements far away from home.

That’s a pretty tall order for a 17 year old. Or is it? Why do we Americans think of our college students as children? Our citizens have gone overseas to fight the wars of the last century at 17, just out of high school. At age 17…

…Alexander the Great was leading Macedonian warriors in battles against Greece. St. Patrick had been kidnapped by Irish pirates, enslaved as a shepherd on the Emerald Isle, preparing for his daring escape to join the priesthood in Europe. Mozart had already travelled through Europe composing and performing, and had just been appointed Court Composer to the Prince Archbishop of Salzburg. Ben Franklin had run away from his Boston home to become a printer in London.

Ok, so there may be some independent 17 year olds who could go overseas for their college degree. But why do it? Don’t we have great colleges here?

Cost is one consideration. Tuition, room & board at a private college in the U.S. runs about $50K a year. For a public university in state, let’s call it $20K. In the UK or Ireland, it’s in the low $30’s. Oh, and by the way, in England (not Scotland) an undergraduate degree is three years rather than four. You do the math! But that’s a whole lot of airline tickets.

Don’t get this bright idea senior year. It’s a complicated landscape, and it takes a while to figure it out, so start exploring it junior year. Check out these books: Study Away: The Unauthorized Guide to College Abroad by M. Balaban and The Times Good University Guide 2009 by J. O’Leary (The Times’ “league tables” university ranking system). Visit the British Council USA website, which gives information to Americans interested in studying in the UK. Visit UCAS, the UK’s admissions application clearinghouse organization.

I welcome comments from families whose students have gone to college abroad, or are considering it, to offer perspectives. I would love to have guidance counselors, college counselors, or Admissions officers from UK schools weigh in, to help us learn more about this college option.

“Why University of X?” College Essay

When I work with high school students on this essay, asked in every school-specific supplement to the Common Application, their knee-jerk response is to play back obvious answers. “I love NY!” “Atlanta has perfect weather!” “Washington DC is the best place for a Poli Sci Major.”  “Denver has great skiing.” “Boston is the ideal college town.”

Don’t get me wrong. Those answers are valid, and they do enter into college decisions (and should). But the Admissions committee “gets” those reasons: they don’t even need to be said. So what do you say?

My consulting practice is called Position U 4 College for a reason. You want to show the Admissions committee that you are uniquely positioned for their school, that there is an ideal match between their programs, student body, activities, and environment and your interests, skill set, goals, values and personality. Why are you and College X made for each other?

Your response to this essay question should reflect two things: (1) your self-knowledge and (2) well-researched knowledge of the college to which you are applying.

Knowledge of the university’s programs shows demonstrated interest, a hot button for Admissions people required to maximize their yield. Check out a March 2009 article in The Boston Globe: “A new factor in making that college–loving it”. If you take time to thoroughly research a school’s programs, it shows you are seriously interested in that college. If the match makes sense, evidenced by programs that fit your individual goals, Admissions people will surmise that, if they accept you, the likelihood of your enrollment is high. PS: Visit the school, and let them know you’ve visited.

Answering this essay question with well-researched content on programs will set you apart. Why? Because most kids won’t do this. They are answering the question superficially, saying what they would say to their friends: “Evanston is a great college town and it’s easy to hop the L to Chicago.” Think how much more effective it would be to write:  “Northwestern’s Medill School of Journalism is the top journalism school in the country, on the leading edge in new media, so it is the ideal place for me to pursue my journalism major.”

Great communication means considering your target audience: what will be meaningful to them? I don’t mean telling them what you believe they want to hear; just consider their frame of reference. “Georgetown has a beautiful campus” does not say what you’re going to contribute if accepted, as does “Georgetown’s Political Economy Major and Government minor will help me in my goal to become a lawyer and ultimately a U.S. Supreme Court justice.”

Believe me, you will stand out if you take the time to do a little research and give some substantive reasons for your interest in a college. You may even become more convinced you want to go there (or not)—and isn’t that what this whole college search is about, anyway?

Comments welcome! And for great perspectives on the college application process, check out Videos #2  (William & Mary) and #4 (Brandeis)  in the righthand column.

Senior year parent? Learn to paint

My sister calls it “agita.” My Jewish girlfriend calls it “shpilkis”. It’s the kind of waiting that drives you crazy inside. You feel a sense of urgency, but the action isn’t up to you. You feel impotent and absolutely furious, like your head will explode.

“Did you finish that Common App essay yet?” you call out in your friendliest milk-and-cookie voice. However, your 17 year old is not fooled by your sugar-coated nagging. He has made up his mind to procrastinate, apparently as a passive-aggressive manuever just to annoy you, as punishment for infringing on his budding autonomy (or, in your parent-noia, are you simply imagining this?) He finally calls your bluff on the friendliness. “Stop it Mom! I’ve got homework to do too, you know!”

Which he isn’t even doing yet, even though he’s been home from school an hour already. The XBox sound effects drone on from the den, as if to mock you. You want to scream! Doesn’t he know applying to college is one of the most important actions of his life? Why doesn’t he…JUST DO IT?

You bite your tongue. You remember what the guidance counselor said about high school seniors “owning” the process. But what are you going to do with all this nervous energy, anxiety about the outcome, and anger about his attitude?

One day I just got in the car, drove to Michael’s, bought a wooden desk easel, a set of acrylics, canvas, brushes, accessories, and an instructional book by Jerry Yarnell. I spent a few hundred bucks but I told my husband that it was safer than the Short Hills Mall. I set up at the kitchen breakfast bar, downloaded a collection of soothing Dan Gibson New Age Celtic music,  slapped some titanium white gesso down on the canvas, and became a painter.

Not necessarily a good painter. But it made that glacially slow, nerve-wracking autumn a little more tolerable. “Watching paint dry” didn’t seem so torturous when I was actually painting (e.g., doing something). And it made me a better mother. When I wasn’t breathing down his neck so much, he did take more ownership. He finished his essays. He applied to college. He did just fine. And we didn’t kill each other in the process! We actually still like each other.

Later that spring, I emerged from my painting sabbatical with more amateurish creations than room on my shelves, composed with pure joy and beginner’s abandon, ready to have lunch with the other high school moms again. I mentioned what I had been doing during senior year fall. Another mother piped in, “Oh, yes, I learned to crochet!” Yet another added, “I took up knitting. It helped me keep my mind off the college process!”

So I wasn’t the only one. As you start senior year, pick a new hobby, immerse yourself in it, and give your teen some peace. (Well, do nag him once in a while).

First day of high school

Your teenager is excited with anticipation, worried by insecurity.  You’ve cleaned out Staples and Aeropostale. OMG! Sometime this week, your kid will begin his first year of high school (in some areas, it has already begun!).

In some cases the transition is a bigger deal than others. If your teen is going from a local middle school to a regional high school, it means a larger, more annonymous environment requiring more independence. If your kid is going from a public to a private school setting, it will mean an entirely new set of classmates, possibly a ramping up of academic rigor, and humbling grade deflation.

It is the beginning of a new chapter of adolescent development. You have survived middle school, so you feel you can take on any challenge! You’re probably right. (From middle school, there’s nowhere to go but up.) But every developmental stage is unique. You’ll be facing dating, driving, drinking, drugs, defiance, depression, all the “D” words.  And it will end with your child’s  “d-parting” for college.

Guidebooks to the roller coaster ride that began when your child turned 13 include: The Primal Teen: What the New Discoveries About the Teenage Brain Tell Us About Our Kids by B. Strauch, Yes, Your Teen IS Crazy!: Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind by M.J. Bradley, and of course,  Get Out of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent’s Guide to the New Teenager, Revised & Updated by A.E. Wolf.

Since my focus is on college prep, here are 3 tips on what you can do now to help naturally position your 9th Grader for college without stress or overkill.

1. Take a 4-year planning approach to course selection. Meet with the guidance counselor early this fall for perspective. Of course, your student is already enrolled for 9th Grade, but an early counselor meeting can determine if any modifications need to be made. The minimum “college prep” curriculum for most U.S. colleges includes:

• 4 years of English, including literature and composition
• 3 years of math, including algebra I & II and geometry
• 3 of laboratory science, including biology and chemistry
• 3 years of social studies/science, including geography, U.S. History, world cultures
• 2 years of the same world language

College Board advises a fourth year of math (trig, calculus or statistics), says many colleges require more than two years of foreign language, suggests arts electives to exercise the mind in unique ways, and a computer course.

I cannot stress enough the value of optimizing academic options, ensuring your teen can qualify for Advanced Placement courses junior or senior year. Some schools require an honors class as a prerequisite for AP, with a grade cutoff. Some schools have an entry test, because they don’t have enough AP sections to accomodate everyone.

This is why it is critical to meet with the guidance counselor to understand your school’s requirements. Does your teen need to be in all honors or AP courses? No! You don’t want her to be overwhelmed. Every student has to find a balance for her skillset and interests. In my view, it is better to get mostly A’s in a combination of AP, honors and regular courses than all B’s in all AP courses. Advise your teen to pick subjects in which she excels, and go for advanced versions of those courses.

Try not to be talked into a “no honors” approach by an overly conservative  counselor or an underconfident student. This will lock her out of advanced classes from the get-go and limit her flexibility. Encourage your student to go for at least one honor course this year if she can get access.

2. Don’t overdo extra-curricular activities. My regular  readers know my view! Your freshman will encounter major challenges this year (physiological, emotional, social). Academics will ramp up big time vs. middle school, and suddenly it counts. A 9th Grade transcript blip will not be the end of the world, but it will interfere with establishing a solid starting GPA and preclude entry to advanced classes later on. Avoid transcript disasters by resisting the temptation to overbook extra-curriculars.

3. Begin financial preparation for college. It’s never too early for this, especially in this economy! Become acquainted with the “pay for college” landscape by reading Pay for College without Sacrificing Your Retirement: A Guide to Your Financial Future by Tim Higgins. Become familiar with Kiplinger.com/money. Ask your guidance counselor about community workshops for parents on financial aid. Talk to your accountant or financial advisor about investing for college.

For more tips on navigating the early years of high school, check my post: 10 Things You Can Do for Your College-Bound 10th Grader. I welcome comments from parents who have survived the “white water” of high school!

Adjusting to college life: “Friendsickness”

Your college freshman will make many new adjustments, from doing laundry to managing a heavy academic load independently. But I’d like to focus on one key adjustment, establishing new social connections.

Psychologists E. Brier and S. Paul coined  the term “friendsickness” (2001) as “the pressing relational challenge for new college students that is induced by moving away from an established network of friends.” Freshman miss their families, but they also miss high school friends! They miss the comfort of peers who have known them a long time, who  “get” them, without their having to struggle to  gain acceptance.

Freshmen always have their parents and families for support. However, as researcher J.R. Stenrud has pointed out, friendships, due to their voluntary nature, are more difficult to maintain than are family ties; therefore, they often represent a more final sense of loss.

The preoccupation and grief associated with precollege friendships actually prevent freshmen from investing in new relationships, increasing further the risk for “friendsickness” and adjustment difficulties. Text/IMing make it easier to stay in touch, but also distract students from engaging in the “here and now.”

Jennifer C. Ishler, Ass’t. Prof. of Human Development & Family Studies at Penn State, traced the phenomenon of “friendsickness” through the first year of college through female students’ journal writing in her freshman seminar.

Ishler observed: ” [Students taking the seminar first semester] missed their friends from home and delayed making new friends at college for fear of betraying the friends they left behind. This sense of loyalty to old friends prohibited the new students from fully committing to their new college life. As a result, they did not start connecting to a new peer group, often felt lonely, and did not connect with the social aspect of their new environment.”

Students who took Ishler’s seminar during their second semester were clearly in a different place. “[They] wrote in their journals about the new friends they had made in college, how close they had become to these people in just a matter of months, how their new friends had helped them adjust to their new environment, and how they were going to miss their new friends over the summer. Students during the spring semester came to realize that precollege friendships did not exclude the formation of new friendships, but that both could co-exist.”

What can parents do to help freshman make smooth transition from grieving old friendships to making new connections at college?

The philosophical answer is, you don’t have to do anything, just let your child’s personal experience unfold naturally. After all, Plutarch observed, “Time is the wisest of all counselors.” By second semester, your freshman will feel connected at school, while maintaining historical friendships.

If your child needs help connecting, here are some ideas you can suggest:

1. Take a freshman seminar first vs. second semester. Many colleges require freshman seminars now, to ensure a first year opportunity to be in a small discussion class that guarantees interaction with faculty and classmates. The  seminar is intended to counterbalance the annonymous lecture hall setting of  introductory courses. Doing it fall semester ensures your child will have at least one class which is an engaging experience right away.

2. Join at least one extra-curricular activity. It’s obvious but essential. Your child can try something new, or enjoy an activity that has brought satisfaction and self-confidence throughout high school. Importantly, it will offer the opportunity to become connected.

3. If a roommate situation is clearly not working out, change it quickly. It’s just lousy luck, but it can ruin a kid’s first semester in college. If there is an opportunity to change a really bad situation, encourage your child to seize the chance. This is especially critical if the roommate is a substance abuser or if your teen finds himself constantly “sexiled”.

4. Keep a journal. Ishler found that journal-writing itself helped freshmen process friendsickness. It is a time-honored resource for all human beings, including adolescents, to reflect on their experiences and development.

5. Encourage a “wait-and-see” attiutde. Some teens interpret the initial stressors of college, including friendsickness, as a reason for transferring or dropping out. Such a proclamation  can cause a parent shock and distress. (Was all that work trying to get your child accepted to “First-Choice U” in vain?) Urge your teen to give it time. Meanwhile, remind him that if he wants to be in the position to transfer, he’d better earn great grades! It’s a win-win if he gets great grades and then realizes he still wants to stay.

Any advice from parents whose kids have survived freshman year “friendsickness”?

“Letting Go” (back by popular demand)

In June, I wrote a post about “letting go” to help parents through the bittersweet rite of passage of high school graduation. Clients and readers have asked for an encore treatment of that post now that parents are experiencing the emotional transition of moving their freshmen into college.  Here are  key excerpts from that post:

Launching a college student is such an individual exprience. Whether you work or have other children, everybody deals with it a little differently. I felt many mixed emotions when our family went through it last year, and it wasn’t easy.

During my only son’s freshman year, I launched Position U 4 College, built a new kitchen, tried hang gliding in Rio, went to Harvard, survived a fitness boot camp, had a tummy tuck, swam with dolphins and manatees, held a baby tiger, learned to paint, lost money in the stock market, and walked for ALS.  I found myself, missed my son, watched him grow, and became even prouder of my son.

After the emotional roller coaster experience of launching a college freshman, a new relationship begins to unfold, between parents and a young—however provisional—adult.

Music helps. I suggest a few special songs, nostalgic, cathartic, or wise, to get you through it. My favorite is Suzy Bogguss’ classic “Letting Go“  (video below).

There’s a song out there for every emotion. Download MP3’s by clicking titles:  Cat Stevens’ “Father and Son,” Carly Simon’s “Love of My Life,” Art Garfunkel’s “Lasso the Moon,” John Mellencamp’s “Your Life Is Now,” and “For Good,” performed by Idina Menzel in the Broadway musical Wicked. And don’t forget the Dixie Chicks’ “Wide Open Spaces” (video below)!

Books help. To help parents manage relationships with their college kids, I recommend: Letting Go: A Parents’ Guide to Understanding the College Years by Karen Levin Coburn,  Parenting College Freshmen: Consulting for Adulthood by Linda Bips EdD, and  Don’t Tell Me What To Do, Just Send Money: The Essential Parent Guide to the College Years, by Helen E. Johnson.

To help your freshman succeed in college, I recommend: How to Become a Straight-A Student: The Unconventional Strategies Real College Students Use to Score High While Studying Less by Cal Newport, 2010 The Naked Roommate: College Survival Guide by Harlan Cohen, and How to Survive Your Freshman Year: By Hundreds of College Sophomores, Juniors, and Seniors Who Did by Hundreds of Heads Books.

To help parents navigate their own new journey, I suggest: Beyond the Mommy Years: How to Live Happily Ever After…After the Kids Leave Home by Carin Rubenstein, Back on the Career Track: A Guide for Stay-At-Home Moms Who Want to Return to Work by Carol Fishman Cohen & Vivian Steir Rabin, and  Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life by James Holis.

I welcome comments from parents who have gone through the freshman launch experience, and would like to share their wisdom with other parents.