Your 11th Grader’s 11 Steps to Success

Junior year is here: the year that counts. Maybe your teen made mistakes, didn’t focus enough, experienced a few “blip” grades last year. But now…it’s time to get serious!

What does that mean, exactly? Be perfect? Get an electrode zap from genius headgear like in science fiction comedies? Never allow your teen to have any fun until the online version of the “fat envelope” comes from the dream college a year and a half from now? No, conscientious parent! Just follow these general guidelines…

1. Dial down extra-curriculars NOW. Does he do two varsity sports? Reduce it to one. Did she spend every night out last year on stage crew  for the musical, even though she doesn’t plan a theater career? Skip it this year. Unless that pizza delivery job is critical to family finances, persuade him to only work in the summer. One more club, one more karate belt, won’t make a difference in college opportunities. Trust me, grades will.

Yes, it’s hard to edit back, especially when you’re so proud of your kid’s dazzling accomplishments. But don’t be tempted to say, “Let’s see how it goes.” Often the wake-up call that a teenager is doing too much is a grade disaster during junior year. You do not want that wake-up call: it may be too late to recover, and colleges want to see an upward trend. It’s your job, as a parent, to pre-empt pitfalls by being one step ahead, and editing back activities before they become overwhelming.

2. Help your teen find a good balance between academic challenge and overkill. It is advisable for an 11th grader to challenge himself in areas of strength, so suggest taking honors courses and an AP if available in his favorite subjects. If your teen has missed this window, encourage him to knock it out of the park this year to be considered for honors or AP’s senior year.

However, don’t saddle your child with more honors or AP’s than he can  handle. Yes, advanced courses are worth more in high school and college weighting systems than regular courses, but don’t sacrifice grade performance. This is especially true in rigorous private schools, where grade deflation can sometimes underrepresent a student’s aptitude and effort, especially compared to a uniformly talented, intense student population.

It also gets tricky junior year, since many subjects ramp up significantly in terms of conceptual difficulty. For some courses, there is no prologue to predict success or failure (e.g., a student may excel in chemistry, but have no grasp of physics).  11th grade is usually the first time students will have AP’s, covering a tremendous amount of material and requiring more study than previous courses in that subject.

3. Spring for a tutor. Whether it is for SAT/ACT tests or a course your student is struggling with, I say go for it. If you can afford it, “tutor often and early” before an academic problem becomes insurmountable (don’t wait). Tutoring is generally a better financial investment than paying for extracurricular lessons, unless your student is headed for Div I sports or a fine arts institute.

Tutoring is not a “badge of shame” that your child is an underachiever or  unmotivated. One-on-one tutoring is a time honored, effective way to learn, it’s just not as cost-efficient as classroom teaching. The pedagogical approach at Oxford University in England is entirely tutor-based. Can you imagine taking piano lessons in a class of thirty kids? When hands-on learning or diagnosing systematic errors is required, tutoring may be the best key to unlock the door.

4. Prepare for the PSAT’s. You may hear no, it’s just for practice. But National Merit Scholarship qualifications are based on PSAT performance. Whether or not your child needs money, it is a great to achieve at least a commendation level. So at least do an online course with Kaplan or Princeton Review, or a free site called NumberTwo. Good PSAT performance also sets in motion an upward spiral of confidence that will be needed with all the testing your child will take over the next year.

5. Set aside this year’s spring break for college visits. Your high school’s guidance counselor will probably present junior college night in January and work with your child on developing a college list throughout the winter. If this is not happening, you may want to enlist the help of an independent consultant. But edit back  business trips and family plans so that, when your 11th grader is on break, you can visit campuses.

6. Educate yourself. Don’t drive your teen crazy too early. Just let her work hard and get good grades. Meanwhile, quietly build up your knowledge. I recommend: The College Solution by Lynn O’Shaughnessy and Greenes’ Guides’ Hidden Ivies 2nd Edition: 50 Colleges of Excellence. Talk with parents who have been through the college process, but only those who will give you sound advice without stressful hype. Consider buying the $14.95 premium online version of US News & World Report College Rankings. Become familiar with CollegeBoard.com and PrincetonReview.com.

7. Prepare financially. Become acquainted with the “pay for college” landscape by reading Pay for College without Sacrificing Your Retirement: A Guide to Your Financial Future by Tim Higgins. Become familiar with Kiplinger.com/money. Ask your guidance counselor about school or community workshops for parents on financial aid. Talk to your accountant or financial advisor about investing for college, and consider hiring a Certified College Planner. For qualified local advisers, check with National Institute of Certified College Planners.

8. Nurture a positive relationship with your student, and choose parent-teen battles carefully. You need all the goodwill possible to preserve a loving, constructive, honest relationship with your adolescent as the junior year evolves. This is the year of the SAT’s, AP tests,  junior prom, first big high school relationship, driving learner’s permit, and the ever-present danger of teenage rebellion and risky behaviors.

You will experience the “perfect storm” when your adolescent’s normal, powerful drive for autonomy eventually collides with the college application process. Don’t create it too early!  Protect goodwill: you will need it.

9. Provide clerical support! Make a filebox… collect things that your kid would otherwise lose. Test results, transcripts, awards, sports results, community service hours,  great essays. Don’t go crazy, don’t insist on your teen’s involvement, just quietly do it, so everything will be organized in one place by spring when you will need it all.

10. Encourage your teen to build relationships with 11th grade teachers. Colleges prefer recommendations from Grade 11 teachers  It is essential for your child to become assertive about participating in class, become a visible leader, and actively develop relationships with these teachers. It is critical for your child to do this, not only to make it easier to ask for a recommendation at the end of junior year, but because confident self-advocacy is also a key life skill that will serve your son or daughter well from now on.

11. Support your child’s growth and development as a complete human being. Your child needs support for physical and mental health, getting enough sleep, eating right, and managing stress. Who is going to help with all that if not Mom or Dad?

Your child’s life needs to be enriched in higher level dimensions: spiritual, ethical, aesthetic, social, emotional. You can help by being a caring, involved adult guide who is not too invasive but “always there” as a sounding board.

Parents who have survived the high school years, what would you recommend to families who have just begun the challenging junior year? If you could start all over, what would you have done to prepare for college when your child was beginning 11th grade?

10 things parents can do for your college-bound 10th grader

When my son was a high school sophomore, we kept wondering what, if anything, we should be doing to prepare for college. (Yes, I was one of those wierdos who had recurrent nightmares about oversleeping and missing the first day of kindergarten.) We went to a few high-priced consultants, who stressed us out but didn’t say much except the obvious about getting straight A’s, 2400’s and curing cancer by age 17. After surviving high school, let me share what I feel is really essential…

1. Prevent transcript disasters. Your child doesn’t have to nail a perfect GPA to get into college, but avoid red flags wherever possible. Get extra help (from teacher, student tutors, or paid tutors) earlier vs. later! If your kid gets a “C” for a marking period, it’s not a catastrophe. But it’s up to you to do damage control, to ensure that the average is brought up and avoid a “C” on the final transcript.

2. Scout for activities and summer programs that help your student explore interests. I recommend two books to identify the best programs out there, to give you a starting point for internet research: 500 Best Ways for Teens to Spend the Summer by the Princeton Review, and Ultimate Guide to Summer Opportunities for Teens.

3. Encourage your child to seek challenge in academic areas of strength. A student need not take all AP or Honors courses. The number of advanced courses on a high school transcript is very individual, influenced by a child’s skillset, school size and setting (public vs. private), and specific programs offered by the school. However,  urge your kid to try advanced courses in subjects in which he or she feels confident.

4. Help your child seek depth vs. breadth in extra-curricular activitities. There are 3 reasons for extra-curriculars: to explore interests, develop commitment, and enjoy life through expression of one’s talents and passions. It’s all about self-discovery, not getting into college. Colleges are interested in a student who is a jack of a few trades and a master of one or two.

Help your child  “go deep” in a few areas he or she truly enjoys (go for leadership positions, awards, higher skill levels). Don’t let your teen get spread thin by superficial involvement in too many pursuits. Teach your child to prioritize and edit back superfluous activities, leading by example. A life lesson many of us parents could benefit from learning ourselves!

5. Provide clerical support! Make a filebox… start collecting things that your kid would otherwise lose. Test results, transcripts, awards, sports results, community service hours,  great essays. Don’t go crazy, don’t insist on your teen’s involvement, just quietly do it, so everything will be organized in one place next year when you need it. Culinary Institute of America calls it “mise en place” (everything in place)…ingredients ready so you’ve got them right there when you need them!

6. If you do visit a campus, make it part of a fun family trip and low-key it. It is anxiety-producing for your sophomore to seriously consider the idea that high school will end and he or she will be moving away from home. Teens live in “the NOW”… so college is unreal to sophomores. But low-key exposure through a college tour can help students file away mental pictures of what an acceptable campus might look and feel like. That’s all you want right now.

7. Build a positive relationship with your child, and choose parent-teen battles carefully. White water rapids are up ahead, and you need all the goodwill possible to preserve a loving, constructive, honest relationship with your adolescent.  “D” words like dating, drinking, drugs, driving and depression will soon make things challenging enough. Don’t add premature college pressure to that stressful mix.

You will experience the “perfect storm” when your adolescent’s normal, powerful drive for autonomy eventually collides with the college application process. Don’t create it too early!  Protect goodwill: you will need it.

8. If you want to do “advanced recon” research on colleges that fit your child’s s interests, make it stealth research only. It’s too early for most teens to care, and they have other things to worry about that are more pertinent to being sophomores. File it away for later, but keep it to yourself!

9. Encourage your child to build relationships with teachers, coaches and counselors. Colleges prefer recommendations from Grade 11teachers, but kids don’t automatically know how to build relationships with adults. Now is when your teen can learn not to hide in the back of the class...practice genuine class participation, ask thoughtful questions, advocate respectfully when there is a problem, deliver on responsibilities, and gain the confidence of adult supervisors.

10. Support your child’s growth and development as a complete human being. Your child needs support for physical and mental health, getting enough sleep, eating right, and managing stress. Who is going to help with all that if not Mom or Dad?

Your child’s life needs to be enriched in higher level dimensions: spiritual, ethical, aesthetic, social, emotional. You can help by being a caring, involved adult guide who is not too invasive but “always there” as a sounding board.

Parents who have survived the high school years, what would you recommend to families who have just begun this journey? If you could start all over, what would you have done to prepare for college when your child was a sophomore in high school?